Baby Blues

Okay yesterday was like blah. I was down and out over a car and stuff, but now I am like really really excited. I went to church tonight and I really feel as though Jesus is letting me know that soon I will be blessed.
I have been wanting a baby now for 8 or 9 years. I have even had a doctor tell me that I will not have a baby because I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Okay well from the opinion of others around me they say well you should consider it a blessing that you can't get pregnant. You just don't know how lucky you are.
Well I tell those people well if you were in my shoes you wouldn't say stuff like that. I tell them how blessed THEY are! Children are a blessing in disguise. Yeah so they are cute and adorable when they are little and then they step all over your heart when they get older, but that is something that I want to experience for myself. No one knows, except for Jesus, how I feel about all this.
I have laid in bed numerous nights and cried my eyes out. I have begged, pleaded, and even promised things to the Lord, if only He would give me a child. I do know that you are not supposed to make vows to God and then not keep them. Boy that would be trouble. It wasn't anything bad anyways. I just told the Lord that if He would give me a child that I would give the child back to Him. And by that I mean bringing the child up in church and raising it in a christian household and teaching it about the bible etc.
In the bible Hannah wanted a baby so bad that she went to the man of God and had him to pray for her. That was after she went and threw herself down and really I mean really pleaded with God. She wanted one so bad. I know exactly how she feels.
Anyways, to make a long story even shorter (lol). I write novels, can't you tell. After we prayed for people at church, I asked to be prayed for. It was like Jesus was telling me to go on. So I did, and as everyone was praying, I was like God you said that if two or more agrees on something in your name it shall be done. I was like I don't have to wait to get this blessing, I can get it now. I was like Lord please let someone place their hand on my stomache and pray for me.
Well low and behold Sister Bryant did. I didn't know it was her because my eyes were closed, but I just knew. She placed her hand on my stomache and I could feel the power of the Lord so strong. It was so strong that I creeled over from it. Then I started shouting and screaming and I was on cloud 99.
Something then told me that my days of wanting a child are about over and that Jesus is getting ready to move for me. People may not believe that miracles happen but I do and this will be proof for many. Especially those who know my situation and know how long I have wanted this.
I already give Jesus all the glory, honor, and praise for this, because I know it is going to happen. He said seek ye first the kingdom of heaven and its righteousness and all these other things will be added unto you. I admit I am not pefect, no one is, but I am trying my best to serve my Lord to the best of my ability.
I just ask you to pray for me. It is really hard on me sometimes, but although it hurts really bad, I know that Jesus has been here with me through all of it. He has made the desire for a child not to disappear but just ease the pain from not being able to have one yet. I used to get all depressed at times but not anymore, yeah it hurts but I have a peace about things that used to make me crazy.
All I can say is I have never met anyone like Jesus and never will.

When It Rains It Pours

Right now, it seems, life is taking me on a roller coaster ride. I feel as though I am on an overload status.
No news about getting a car. I really want a car so bad. I can't go anywhere or do anything. I wish that the old man that hit me in the car accident would hurry up and tell the truth. Then all this would be settled. I could get paid for my car which is now sitting in my yard totaled.
Daddy is in the hospital and I feel really sorry for him. He is looking better than he did though. They have given him 5 units of blood so far. I just pray that Jesus will give those doctors and surgeons the knowledge of what to do for him. He is really needing a touch from God.
The only happiness I am getting right now is going to church. When I go to church it is like all my problems and worries go away. Jesus has really let me feel his strength and presence lately. He is the only thing keeping me going.
Although life is crazy right now, I will say that I am blessed. William doesn't see this. He asked me the other day how in the world can you go around all the time saying you are blessed. Look at us! We don't have a car, I can't work because of the accident, etc., etc, etc., the list goes on and on.
I just simply tell him that Jesus knows my needs and that although everything seems gloom and doom right now, it will get better. Jesus has never let me down and He never will.
I am walking, talking, and alive! That is a lot to say right there, but there is a lot more that He has done for me. I can't begin to count everything that Jesus has done in my life.
All I know is that I have got to keep on keeping on. Just keep believing in Jesus and trusting in Him. No matter what!
'Cause He did say He would never leave nor forsake me.